Have you ever been depressed? Not just sad but actually, clinically depressed?
It’s pretty hard. It’s not all the depressive thoughts that I find the most challenging to deal with, though they are difficult. What really gets to me is the lack of motivation. I just feel like there is no reason to do anything. Anything and everything you do feels pointless.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to fight. But it’s so hard when it doesn’t feel like anything you do is seen as worthwhile. And it doesn’t really matter if it is seen as worthwhile if you still don’t feel as though it is seen that way.
And then you feel worse. You feel worse because you didn’t get such and such accomplished. You feel worse because you feel bad in the first place. It all feeds on itself.
It becomes a vicious circle. Dragging you down when you get a break, utterly sinking you when you don’t.
It’s hard. It’s an uphill battle. And no one is gonna help you. Or at least that’s the way it feels.
But statistics don’t lie. Some six percent of the adult population of the united states will suffer from depression in a year, and one in five people have dealt with someone with depression. It’s a very common thing nowadays.
And yet, mental illnesses are still stigmatized at a higher rate than other illnesses.
But why is this if so many people are affected? I’m sure part of it is just shame, not many people are willing to admit to having mental illness. It’s even hard for me to write about it, and I can talk about anything.
Is it a kind of fear? Like maybe it’s some kind of contagious? And you just won’t get it if you don’t acknowledge it? It seems odd to me that something so pervasive and so hard to deal with could just be ignored on such a level.
Thank gods for the Obamacare, right? Maybe now that so many uninsured are now covered we can focus on this and other illnesses that are both treatable and dangerous.
However, all of this is just a little off topic. This is about my fight with depression (well actually bipolar depression with some anxiety, but you know.) And in particular with the little bit of depression that is lack of motivation.
Which is part of why I’m writing this post. The only way to beat it is to do anyway. So I’m gonna keep trying. And keep giving myself the credit I deserve. It really is hard to keep doing and keep trying when you don’t feel like anything is paying off.
But you got to fake it ’til you make it.
I’m including a bit of an update on the site overall. I’m still going to be posting more audio. I’m hoping to post everything I have that includes an EVP. I have several more at least. I still have audio I need to listen to find out if I have more EVPs.
And I’m hoping to do some investigating with video sometime in near future. I’ve been hesitating to do so because the sound on my camera isn’t very good and I’ve been hoping to obtain a better sound recorder that I could sync to my camera.
However, I don’t know when that will be. And it’s really not looking like it will be anytime soon. So, I’m considering proceeding without a better sound recorder for the time being.
I keep meaning to form a semi-formal group. A paranormal investigation group, of course. I think I’m going to see about it this summer. I don’t know if I know enough people or not. But I’m gonna brainstorm on it semi-soon, at the least.